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A strange ship screamed through the sky leaving a long white trail in its wake. It was shaped like a cone with the bulbous front pushing through the air and the “V” shaped tail turning clockwise as a sort of propulsion system. Occasionally a burst of flame would leap from one of the many jets positioned in on the “V”.
The ship was painted a fiery orange although the front had been burned black when entering planets’ atmospheres. Sections of the hull where the jets were positioned had also been charred black and the ship had a streaked appearance.

At length, the ship reached came into view of a city. It was a sprawling metropolis with the buildings starting as small single or doubled storey housing and gradually increasing in height to enormous skyscrapers. A large colourful screen would occasionally break the monotonous greys and blues advertising a product in a foreign language.
Suddenly the ship had a huge burst of speed as all of the rear facing jets fired and the ship surged forward. Even more suddenly the ship came to a dead halt, a heat haze could be made out on the tip of the nose, and fell from the sky where it landed, steaming, in a lake.
A crowd quickly gathered around the ship and sirens could be heard fast approaching. At length a ramp opened halfway up the ship at the base of the hemispherical section. Smoke poured out of the ship and, as it cleared, two human shapes could be made out. Noise from their conversation drifted down to the crowd below, “Urgh.... what did I hit?”, asked the woman.
I think it was a force-field, and a good one at that,” replied the man, “to cover the whole city and not give way an inch must require colossal amounts of power. I think we can safely say that we've found a civilisation advanced enough to help us defeat the Federation.”, a deep gutteral growl interrupted their conversation and the two humans looked around for the first time since landing.
The inhabitants of this city were bipedal in stature but more closely resembled lizards than anything else, each had two arms, two legs, a tail, a dog shaped head and two bony scythe shaped protrusions coming out of their backs and all over their bodies they had thick armour plates. They had three toes to each foot and three fingers on each hand all of them held rifle-like weapons and all were pointed at the ship. Behind these lizard men were arrayed a number of hovering semi-circular vehicles with large, double barrelled turets protruding out from the top.
“Yes, they do look well advanced,” said the female, “now we just have to convince them not to kill us.”
©2008-2009 ~TheBeadle
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Submitted: February 9, 2008
File Size: 2.7 KB
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Comments: 3
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Author's Comments

This is the intro to a story I'm working on. The first part will go back a few months to explain everything so please be patient.
I did it in my English class while being bored and have revised it a little when I typed it up.
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Hmm, good. Just the right way to start a novel, it got me hooked right from the start. Two things I noticed, though: first, you might want to augment your description with some metaphor and simile to make things stand out a little more. Also, the dialogue in paragraph six sounds a little bit unnatural. I think it might be a little too to-the-point, you might want to add a little bit more conversation between the two before they get on to the matter of where they've landed.

But that's just me, it's just fine the way it is. :)
if u continue u find that they've been together for quite a while

--
It's been decided that:
A - God does exist,
B - He's on our side, and
C - He wants us to win!
- Starship Troopers Marauder.
It's quite nice, the story itself is OK, but I'll just have to read further :) Anyways, a good piece of litterature.
Fav'd.

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